Raising Rich
Join single mother, Jo & daughter, Laine as they discuss love, wealth, bankruptcy and everything in between!
It's a podcast for single mama's out there who need that reassurance that they aren't alone trying to make ends meet, or waiting for their Prince Charming.
Jo shares her rollercoaster life story - all the highs and the low's as her eldest joins her for the ride, weighing in with her two cents.
Raising Rich
Breaking Chains of Financial Control
What would you do if you found yourself with just $7.21 in your bank account after leaving a toxic relationship? On this episode of Raising Rich, Jo recounts the pivotal moment that reshaped her entire approach to financial independence. We discuss the emotional & physical toll of being financially trapped & the immense courage it took to walk away without a backup plan.
Join us as we explore the broader implications of financial control in relationships and how this experience led Jo to prioritise her well-being over financial security.
Follow our mother daughter journey towards financial freedom!
Hey Mamas, welcome to the Raising Rich Podcast with your favourite mother-daughter duo, Jo and Lane. Join us as we take you on the rollercoaster ride that has been my mum's life with money.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'll be opening up about the taboo topic of money from bankruptcy to a six-figure income and all the heartache in between. So if you're a single mama out there trying to figure it all out, then this podcast is from bankruptcy to a six-figure income and all the heartache in between. So if you're a single mama out there trying to figure it all out, then this podcast is for you. Join us for all the ups and all the downs on Raising Rich.
Speaker 1:Hello everyone. Hi, welcome to episode 13.
Speaker 2:Unlucky for some. Lucky for some. 13,. Welcome to the couch.
Speaker 1:Still my couch, still at my house.
Speaker 2:Yes, relaxing, sharing my life story. Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 1:Well, in the last episode we wrapped up with a little bit of an abrupt ending $7.21, that's all you had left in your bank account, and for people that are just maybe this is the first episode that they're listening to. How did we end up here? How did we end up with seven dollars and 21 cents in the bank account?
Speaker 2:well, quite simply because, um, my partner was paying for everything and I was just working part time, and then I'd sold my business, my cafe, and I put all of that money into the house that I thought we were going to be sharing. So I really didn't have a need to make my own personal finances, simply because he essentially looked after me and I didn't put in place a what do you call like a backup plan, which is something that I've obviously learnt from my life experiences. Now and I'm moving forward to make sure I do have a backup plan.
Speaker 1:But essentially, on that day that I left him, I had $7.21 in my bank account and that concept is just so crazy to me, just knowing who you are as an individual. You're so independent, you're so like self-assured, you're, in my opinion, extremely intelligent and business savvy, and it just seems like. I don't mean to diss your mom, I love you but like just seems like a dumb bitch move not to have a backup plan.
Speaker 2:It seems like it, but when you're in love with someone and you trust them, yeah you don't see that coming.
Speaker 2:And you know as much as I talk about the, you know infidelity, and you know he was such a good charmer and he had an answer for everything and I kind of believed him and I felt like he was my prince charming and, yeah, I wholeheartedly believed in the relationship. So I was fully prepared to put everything that I had into his hands, and I did, and so over the nine months before I did say to him you know that this wasn't working for me.
Speaker 2:I continually went back and forward in my mind I don't have the money to leave him, I'm trapped. I don't have the money to leave him, I'm trapped, yeah. It then got to a point where I just had to make that decision and I had to hold myself accountable for the fact that I was remaining in a relationship simply because I didn't have the money to get out, and it was affecting my mental health yeah quite severely. It was affecting my physical health.
Speaker 2:I lost an immense amount of weight I was very, very slim and and I was putting the fact that I had no money in front of my mental and physical health and I just had to make that decision one day and own up to what I had done and take responsibility for what I'd done and say, well, put your big girl fucking undies on this and move forward, get out of this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which I can. I can understand.
Speaker 2:They know that, that's the position that they're in, that somebody else is just kind of holding this financial control over their head. There is a lot of women I wholeheartedly believe there's a lot of women out there that are in that situation.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I don't think that it's necessarily right or wrong to shun a woman for staying in a relationship, for the financial aspect and element of it, but when you feel that, like you said, it's taking a toll on your mental health, it's taking a toll on your physical health and just your emotions. I remember kind of watching you over that nine month period and just seeing how depressed you were and I also knew that you couldn't, you didn't really necessarily have a whole lot of options at your disposal.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't, but let's move on from there and discuss what happens next with my finances. I will say, though, that that is one of the main reasons that I am moving in this direction. You know, since, since then, where I've headed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we'll touch base on this over the you know coming episodes absolutely as to how I'm not ever going to allow myself to be in that situation again absolutely after I had said this, I went and I'd said to him I can't do this anymore, and I went and sat in the car, I cried, I sobbed, and I sobbed because I knew that that was it, that was our relationship over and done with you know, almost eight years together. And he came out to the car and he just opened the door and I was, I was was hoping for a hug or something, and he just said do you need a bottle of water? Are you parched, babe? And went back to the apartment that I was still living in that, you know, he was still paying the rent for and essentially, over the next couple of months, I couldn't work.
Speaker 2:Depression hit me again. I just literally laid in bed and couldn't get out, crying most days, not knowing where my life was going. And essentially, I didn't even need to have to get out of bed because the youngest was what? 16, 17 at this time it was 16 actually and she was going to school, the school she walked to. So essentially, I didn't have to, yeah, get out of bed. Yeah, I cried and sobbed and felt sorry for myself and then I got a call from the ex-husband of the two younger ones, you know the one that wished that I had died and not you know.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, he. He said to me you need to get out of bed. Your children need you. You cannot continue to do this. They are so worried about you, they're stressed, they're calling me. You have to pull your socks up and get a move on with your life. And that kind of hit hard because he never really spoke, we didn't speak much. And for him to actually reach out and say you, you've got to do this. I thought, well, you know what he is right. I can't continue to feel sorry for myself. I feel like he only said that, though. And for him to actually reach out and say, you've got to do this, I thought, well, you know what he is right. I can't continue to feel sorry for myself.
Speaker 1:I feel like he only said that, though, because the kids were calling him now and he's like ah, I don't want to deal with them. So quick, get out of my way. Probably, probably.
Speaker 2:I did reach out to Mr B and I asked him if he would still continue to pay the rent and if we could please put the house up for sale in South Melbourne and when the house sells he could take that portion that he had paid from the rent, you know. So I said to him look, I'll get myself a job and I should be able to pay half the rent. If you could kindly pay the other half when we sell the house in South Melbourne. You know, could, could you take the money out of that? He said he would think about it. He came back a couple of days later and said no.
Speaker 1:So then, what was his reason for saying no, do you remember?
Speaker 2:I know he just said no. So I then said to him um, could I buy you out of the house? The house was unlivable. Okay, it really severely needed a renovation, but my brother is in construction. So I took my brother to the house and I said look, would you, if I got a loan of you know, I don't know, 60 or a hundred thousand dollars, could you make this house livable for me? And was like yep, that's no worries, I'll help you out.
Speaker 2:So I spoke to a broker and I said to them you know, what kind of income do I need in terms of being able to purchase this house off my ex? So they gave me an idea. So I went out and got a job and because I'm a teacher, you know it's fairly easy to get jobs at this stage, because we're, you know, all the schools are looking for teachers, whether I could do full-time or part-time. I mentioned this to Mr B and I said you know, can, can this be something that we could look at? You don't have to do the renovation, I'll do it all myself. You just sell me the house or what we bought for him. Yeah, he said he would have a think about it. So I was really hopeful. I thought, oh, this is going to be fantastic. You know it is a run-down old two-bedroom but that's all we needed, because there's only the two of us. And I actually was getting really excited because I really did want to live in this house.
Speaker 2:so a couple days go by and I reach out to Mr B again and he decides nope, he wants to complete the renovation and then sell it. Now he's a very savvy businessman, so I can understand why he made that decision, because everything is about money to him. There was no feelings.
Speaker 1:There was no there was no like let's help this struggling single mom out again like you were more than willing to do at the beginning of your relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, rough, yes so that made it very difficult for me again. I once again fell into depression. I had to cancel the gym membership that he was paying for, go out and purchase all my own groceries, give back the credit card, essentially stand on my own two feet again. With the depression, though, it's really hard to work and to get yourself motivated and get out of bed every single day to go to a job. Absolutely, get yourself motivated and get out of bed every single day to go to a job, absolutely so I just I spiraled financially. I thankfully had the car, the mercedes that he had purchased. That was put into my name. So I did have a car. I couldn't pay the rent. So then the next sort of episode of my life started. I then ask you, my lovely eldest child, if I could move in with you and your partner. But you have a two-bedroom.
Speaker 1:Yes, we were living in a two-bedroom little townhouse with also an apartment on top of us in a little complex down, probably like an hour away from where you were at the time. Yeah, yeah. So my partner and I were in one room and you and my sister were sharing the other room for a good few months at that stage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we had to share a bed together and my daughter at that time was, as I said, 16, 17. She was actually going into VCE, year 12. Now, that is the most important pinnacle year of any child's life. So we had moved in with you in around oh, maybe the September, october, if not, maybe earlier. September or October, if not, maybe earlier.
Speaker 2:And she was finishing off year 11 and I was very stressed, thinking how is she going to complete year 12 with us living here? Because essentially she would have to get on a train, from the train, from the city, on a tram to school by 8am. As I said before, it's a specialist school for talented musicians and they would often do concerts etc, finishing anywhere between 6 and 9pm at night. So it was going to make for a very long day in her most important year of school. So, even though we shared a bed, I made the decision that I had to get us out of your home as soon as possible and of course you know encroaching on your time. You and you know your partner don't really want the mum slash, mother-in-law, sister, sister-in-law all living together in the same house with the dogs and all my dog, it was never an issue.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know that's what you do for family essentially at the end of the day. Yeah, but I get what you're saying. I think sometimes people don't realize how much they are trying to seek out help and the last resort that they want to impose on is their family and I know it would have been such a challenging time for you to have to kind of come to that, that moment of asking, and oh it's embarrassing.
Speaker 2:It was highly embarrassing. How you know you. You want to show your children. Well, I have always wanted to show my children that I'm strong and that I'm independent and I can make the right decisions and no matter what's thrown at me, I'm going to step up and move forward. To have to ask your child can I move in with you? It's, yeah, it's. It's embarrassing.
Speaker 2:So anyway, I made that decision that over the next few months I couldn't possibly go into the new year, knowing that she would have to deal with all that public transport etc.
Speaker 2:I got myself a job at a cafe from four in the morning till eight in the morning, at a cafe from four in the morning till eight in the morning making coffees and sandwiches, because I knew I could do that.
Speaker 2:Um, the cafe that hired me were aware that I had previously owned a cafe myself, so they were very, uh, trusting and they gave me the keys and everything and I built out pretty much their their coffee star star coffee clientele and their sandwich bar. So that was good fun. From there I would get changed in the change room and I would do casual relief teaching. Now I happened to pick up a casual relief teaching job and it became permanent very quickly over in the west western suburbs and because I had previously had little part-time jobs, you know, as a teacher out in the west, I had some of the parents reach out to me and say would you be interested in tutoring? So I would go to the cafe in the morning four till eight, get changed, go and do my casual relief teaching until 3 30 and then travel to the local library out in the west and start tutoring and what was happening with my sister at the time.
Speaker 1:Were you taking her in the mornings at 4 am to the cafe, or is she catching public transport at this stage? Oh, bless her.
Speaker 2:We tried to she did try to work at the cafe from four in the morning till eight and then I. She would be able to catch the tram because that cafe job was in the city and her school was in the city or just outside so she would catch a tram from there. Um, it was a little bit obviously tiring for her, but that was kind of the best that we could do at the time. Or sometimes she would just catch public transport herself. Um, she did have a couple of close friends that lived in the city as well so she sometimes stayed with them. Yeah, she was still seeing her dad so he would sometimes drive her in.
Speaker 2:So it was kind of just putting pieces of the puzzle together yeah, yeah and then, as I said, I would go to the local library and tutor, and then I built up a tutoring following on a saturday. So I would work all day, saturday, in the library from nine to three, and then I would travel to two other homes on the way home and tutor those children as well, and I essentially just saved as much money as I possibly could in order to get enough bond and rent together for the first month to get us into a home of our own.
Speaker 2:yeah, so from there, my son, your brother, was also looking for what my son, your brother, oh, really okay no shit, sherlock, um, he was looking for a place to rent as well, so we came up with this brilliant idea to rent a home together, and we found a gorgeous, massive, brand spanking new. Well, you could call it a townhouse, but it was the size of a house in a suburb called ashburton. Do you remember that home?
Speaker 2:I do actually you guys weren't there for that long no, you know me, I'm a nomad. No, what happened with that house? Um?
Speaker 1:they had no internet, did they?
Speaker 2:that's exactly right and the first thing that we asked for was does it have good internet? And the real estate agent was like oh yes, of course it does. But we soon discovered, no, it did not, and I needed it for my tutoring business because I needed to, you know, obviously be able to contact parents, confirm with parents. Um, my son was very much into gaming, always has been, and so for him it was like cutting off his left leg yeah, he's having a mental breakdown every other day, speaking to the nbn or whatever was happening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah and that was, yeah, we didn't stay there long, but that began another saga in my life because I was waiting for mr b to sell the house in South Melbourne. My money was just sitting there and sitting there. He wasn't doing any of the renovations like he had promised. You know he was going to do the renovations, then sell the property, so I had to sit and wait patiently.
Speaker 1:But you know, after 18 months like this is how long it was taking, which, in contrast to how quickly you guys flipped the Glen Waverley house, yeah, in four months, like he renovated that in four months, it could have easily been done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so he was just dragging his feet essentially just being a pain. I sought legal advice and thankfully I had to take someone who would do not a no win, no fee. They didn't do that, but they would take their fee once we got the payout from the sale of the house. Yeah, so I had to do that and that became a an extremely stressful. Obviously, as people probably know if they've been through law courts or you know, having to seek legal representation, that is an extremely stressful time. But what made it even more stressful was a couple of things.
Speaker 1:Firstly, he denied being in a relationship I mean, that was shocking, yes, and surprising yes to pretty much everyone who knew you. On on, I don't want to say outside of the fence, but essentially outside of the fence, uh, to be with someone for eight years and to have an engagement ring and an engagement party where there's over 140 people to turn around and say, no, we're never actually together, I could have rolled over and died it started off just as a letter to him stating I've put money into the house.
Speaker 2:You need to sell the house or you need to pay her out. We also discovered that when I was working for him part-time, he had underpaid me and hadn't paid any superannuation for me, which is a legal responsibility in Australia. So I was claiming for that in return, not so much the the pay I couldn't have cared less about that but I did want the superannuation and I did want the money from the house. His response was no, I didn't really know her. She worked for me under an abn. Therefore she was responsible for paying her own superannuation, which is true and correct. But I didn't realize he was paying me through my aba and I just thought he was, you know, paying direct into my bank as as a salary earner. Yes, as the time went on and we I would, every time I would put forward an argument, he would.
Speaker 1:He would come back with a stone wall response. That was completely legal from his side of the fence.
Speaker 2:Yeah so, for example, when he gave my youngest the car, but then, you know, a couple of months later he asked me to sign a receipt. When I've said you know he treated my daughter like his own, he said, oh no, I didn't really know her. The woman, joanne, bought the car off me for her daughter. Every sort of thing that I had to prove that we were in a relationship he had a response. Yeah, he had a workaround for it.
Speaker 2:And it was a financial response. His response to us owning the house together was that because we were just tenants in common and it wasn't a home jointly owned by us was simply because we weren't a joint relationship. We were in a business relationship. So every single step along the way that I could try and prove that we were together, he had a response for. So the letters and the arguments just went back and forward, back and forward and they were gobsmacked like actually unbelievable, and I only had four people writing affidavits to say hey, they were in a relationship.
Speaker 2:He, oh sorry, my four affidavits, I think, were myself, yourself, so my brother I'm pretty sure my school principal, yeah so my boss, my best friend at school and, yeah, my brother, your brother, because my sister could not write because she was under age yep.
Speaker 1:but the fact that he had been such a huge part of her life for eight years you know, you had met him when she was nine and for him to turn around and be like no, I don't really even know her, was just disgusting and awful. And writing that affidavit like I couldn't believe the fact that he got away with what he did, essentially Because it's like how can you deny that there were 140 people at your engagement party? I just it boggled my mind.
Speaker 2:It still blows my mind, don't worry. But obviously, being a businessman, a very savvy businessman, he knew what he was doing. Yeah, as I said, I had four affidavits. He had 15. 15, 15, but get this, not one of them was a family member, not one. Yeah right, all 15 had a financial relationship with him. So let's talk the cleaner of his house. She says I never saw women's clothing hanging in the wardrobe. Now, I had an entire wardrobe to myself in his house of all the clothes that he would buy me and we had a video one time because when my son visited, he wanted to go upstairs and see the unit and he took a video showing all his friends get a load of this, like, how cool is this? This guy lives in a factory and he's built an upstairs and this is their bedroom and it had all my clothes hanging in the wardrobe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's the cleaner, the next person who is meant to be our mutual friend, a mutual the one that I rang in the morning and said I've been there and there's another woman mr b was renovating their home at the time and this guy says we don't really know her. We didn't know that they were in a relationship yet. We had booked a holiday with them to go overseas. That holiday never happened, However. That's how close we were. We had booked a holiday to spend New Year's Eve with these people.
Speaker 1:And on top of that they also assisted with the setting up of your cafe, and I understand that that is, you know, sometimes considered a business agreement. But to say that you don't really know someone that you're going into whatever business with would be very silly yeah it was phenomenal.
Speaker 2:Another person that he bought in was apparently he had. Well, we were going through drawing some plans to um renovate that house in south melbourne, yes, and he'd shown me some of those plans and he got the guy who was drawing the plans to say he'd never met me. He didn't realize that mr b was in a relationship. But you know, mr b's paying this guy's bills, exactly yeah. And then the guy that mr b works with, who I worked alongside, who we went out with with his current wife on many occasion, said that even though he worked side by side with me, he didn't really know that we were in a relationship like these.
Speaker 1:It blew my mind and again it just goes back to what we were talking about in previous episodes, about how his relationship with people is based on a financial exchange let me tell you another one. Sorry, I'm just I'm on a roll.
Speaker 2:You keep going so one of the tenants in one of his homes was a hairdresser and I would go to her house sometimes and even she said, oh, I only did her hair. I didn't know they were in a relationship. Yet I had text messages because I was messaging her, saying, oh, mr B needs to go through the house because she was running her hair salon from you know the garage. Mr B needs to go through the house, um, but we thought we'd come over and have a coffee with you at the same time and meet, you know, her new boyfriend and she's like, yep, no worries, that'd be lovely. And yet she's writing an affidavit saying she doesn't really know me as his partner.
Speaker 1:She only knows him as a landlord which is so ironic because you think about the conversations that you have with your hairdresser. You tell them everything. So I'm sure that you would have definitely been like, hey, mr b and I are going to do xyz yeah, and remember his 50th birthday party that we set up.
Speaker 2:We printed out all these fantastic pictures. We spent all afternoon setting up his 50th birthday with another one of his friends, yeah, whom Mr B has a financial relationship with, because Mr B gets all these cars serviced by this guy. He was at the house while we were all setting up and he actually says in his affidavit that we were not there.
Speaker 1:That he actually says in his affidavit that we were not there that he actually set everything up, which is again so wild to me because I had spent so much daughter to him and how he wanted her to sing at his 50th and she did at their engagement party.
Speaker 2:And it just oh yeah. So that's what we dealt with and that was so incredibly heartbreaking to not only think that he would go to those lengths, but my lawyers did say that he had hired like one below a QC to make sure that his money was protected, and I have to say I wasn't after anything other than the money from my house and the superannuation, like that's it.
Speaker 2:You know, of course lawyers send a more stern letter. You know they obviously start off with a ridiculous amount and I had actually said to my lawyers look, I don't, I don't feel comfortable with this, I don't need to know all of his transactions, I don't need to know any of that, I just want my money out of that house.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's go which I mean you're so in time, like being in a relationship that's committed for for that long of a term over seven years or something isn't it where you, you were entitled to whatever it is that you're entitled to and, as you just said, you weren't after half of his shit. No, you were again. You just wanted what you had put in to the relationship and what you were legally owed.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, the affidavits went back and forth, back and forth, and we ended forth and we ended up in court. We had mediation and he wasn't coming to the party, so we had to go before the judge and basically start proceedings. However, we were sitting there, so we've gone out of the mediation room. We're sitting waiting to actually go into court and he walks straight past me and I couldn't have given a shit. He didn't look at me, but the worst thing was I had my youngest daughter there. She she wanted to come and confront him. She wanted answers as to how he could possibly deny that she wasn't a part of his life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially since she wasn't able to write an affidavit yeah, and she was probably one of the aside from yourself.
Speaker 2:She was the most impacted, I think absolutely, and he totally ignored her, just walked straight past her as if she didn't exist and it wasn't like he didn't see her because she was right at the door. Yeah, so the court proceedings start. And it was quite interesting. The discussion went back and forward. It was it was to determine whether, you know, a court date should be set and the judge simply asked oh so you were engaged? And I I said yes. And he said well, only for commercial reasons. And the judge asks me how many people went? Did you have a party? Yes, we had a party, 140 people attended. And she looks at him and says so, 140 people attended this engagement party. But you're saying it's for commercial reasons. I believe she's a single mom, is that correct? And I said yes. And she says do you have like a huge business backing? And I said no. And she looks at him and says well, how would this make good commercial business sense to get engaged to a single mum?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he's just like standing there you know, bumbling like an absolute idiot, and the judge just looks at the paperwork and says to him if you do not make her an offer by Friday, I will award all court costs and whatever she is asking for against you. So you had better make a very concise decision and I was like, oh, booyah, thank you very much. So what do you think happened on the friday? You get nothing, he. So we, we came to an agreement of a price and the price was what I'd put into the house plus a bit more, which was more than the superannuation that I was owed. But essentially the lawyers were going to take their fees, so that's okay. You know, I understand what was happening On the Friday it's two o'clock. Going to take their fees, so that's okay. You know, I understand what was happening on the friday it's two o'clock, we've agreed on a price, and he pays half and he says through lawyers uh, can I pay another half in? You know, another three months?
Speaker 2:and I was like, oh, no, because I knew I knew that he was not going to pay the rest and we would end up back in court and it would cost me another shit ton of money. Yeah, so I was so proud of myself, I was washing the car and I said you can tell him to go and get fucked. I want my money and I want him to fuck off and I don't ever want to have anything to do with him ever again. The shit that he has put me through has been heartbreaking and I will never, ever forgive him. Yeah, so I'm washing my car and the car got scrubbed Fuck it up.
Speaker 2:Fuck it up. Fuck it up. Yeah, so I'm washing my car and I'm like the car got scrubbed anyway. I get a call back. You know, within like 10 minutes he's going to pay the full amount, providing I sign a letter to say that we were never in a relationship. No, babe, oh my god, I was screaming down the phone. Hey can go again. We were in a fucking relationship. You're telling the fucking pay up. Oh, it's going. None. The hose the hose for the fucking car wash was going everywhere like a dog holding on onto a garden hose. You know, when they're trying to clap the water that was making To all of the fucking garden hose.
Speaker 1:If we didn't give this an explicit warning at the beginning of the episode, we're doing it now Retrospectively.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, of the episode. We're doing it now retrospectively. Oh my goodness, I I have never been so angry in my entire life.
Speaker 1:Oh, to be someone, just you know, slowly walking my dog on the other side of the road watching you, oh my goodness so because can I just ask? Yes, he technically has no right to ask for anything else. Right, because the judge has said you need to make the offer, make the payment, etc. Yeah, yeah, pretty much, so you know you just being like well, no, yeah, he still just has to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do it I think you know, as a savvy businessman, he was probably mate. I might come after his money when he dies Like I. I have no idea why he wanted me to sign that. So, um and, and I just thought no, because that relationship was significant to me at one point in my life, and I'm not going to pretend that it never existed never existed. So let me tell you, though, that money came through on october 17, which was the day that my sister had passed those years ago.
Speaker 2:So I feel like perhaps then I get goosebumps every time Cause I think, you know, maybe she was kind of looking.
Speaker 1:Yeah, orchestrating it from the heavens above, why not? Yeah, booyah.
Speaker 2:The worst thing was following that, my little chicken was turning 18. Yeah, yeah, and we were sitting at a cafe. It was me and her and her best friend. We've ordered, and she gets a message from him, from mr b, and it says happy birthday. I bet you've turned into the most beautiful woman and that your mum would be very proud of you. By the look on her face, I just knew she was absolutely devastated and she sent a message back. I'm very proud of her. She said I'm so glad I met you, because now I know what a snake in the grass looks like and I can avoid anyone that's anything like you at all. Oh, girl, and I was like yep, and unfortunately, stupid me later in the day. We're all having a great time. We've had a few drinks and when I say a few drinks, you know me and my Scotch. I love a good Scotch. We're having a little party. I've set up, you know, balloons and she's got a little boyfriend and her girlfriend over and we're having a great time. I sent him a text message and I say why did you do that? Why did you reach out on her birthday? What possessed you to do that? And he said I miss you. There will never be anybody like you for me. Wow, like, give me a fucking break.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my daughter and her friends went out for dinner after that and I sobbed my ass off Like I cried and cried and cried most of you. Well, as you know, my mom had passed by then and so I rang my stepmom because I was, I was in shock. I just couldn't believe it because I I'd actually, like, when we were going back and forward with the affidavits, I had rang one of our mutual friends, begging him to stop the nonsense. Yeah, and could we talk? And I wanted him to know that I mean, how ridiculous is this? I don't know whether it was trauma or what, but I still loved him and I wanted to work things out. I just wanted things to stop and could we move forward? Like that, where was my brain? Like, what a non. But anyway, again, I think that you were very much in love and this situation move forward like that.
Speaker 1:Where was my brain? Like, what a non. But anyway, again, I think that you were very much in love and this situation was just like what is going on, like it just seems. It seems unfathomable and unreasonable to just pretend that it never happened and again, a gas lighting element, hardcore, pretending that your relationship was just all in your head yeah, non-existent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, apparently it was um.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I got over that did you reply to the message um?
Speaker 2:we. He asked me to keep in touch and let him know how little chicken was going and I said yes, but I never did. I just felt like I was sobbing hysterically and I was emotional because I'd had too much to drink. Yeah, realistically, and you know, that's okay.
Speaker 1:If that was me, I'd be fucking ringing the judge and the lawyers and be like, see, I bloody told you yeah.
Speaker 2:No, it was over and done with. So you know, and that's the end of that chapter oh, does it get worse? Hmm, um well, there's no more relationships, let's put it that way, and it's been seven years I do have a question go, have you ever seen him again?
Speaker 1:Just like in passing.
Speaker 2:Yes, once. Yeah, he was crossing the road and my foot was on the accelerator, but I didn't want to hurt my car. I love my car too much.
Speaker 1:So it was like, is it?
Speaker 2:worth it. Is it worth it? No, I don't know Is it worth it? No, I don't know. I did one other time drive past his place and I saw him walking like with a limp.
Speaker 1:The worst thing is you sure you didn't hit him?
Speaker 2:with your gun. The worst thing is he has actually been dating a woman, this who is a so a friend of mine from the footy club days. Her sister had a friend that was the wife of this guy, right, so he's actually dating a friend of a friend, like it's really hard to explain, but the awful thing is he's in my friend's circle group, yeah, and they tell me that they believe that this woman had been having an affair with a guy for the entirety of his marriage, of her marriage.
Speaker 1:Right on.
Speaker 2:And they're wondering whether it was actually him, mr.
Speaker 1:B yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm thinking was that the relationship that he said to me he was having an affair with a woman behind his wife's back? For you know, most of the time yeah, or was it this other woman? That was the 30 year friendship? Like, some parts of the puzzle are still not put together. Or maybe they're not parts of the puzzle, who knows? Not put together, or maybe they're not parts of the puzzle, who knows? But I don't like the fact that he's in like a like a second cousin circle group do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:um, and I still hear about him and I actually don't want to hear about him anymore I've just I've had enough, that's it. I'm done, you know, so that's it. Oh yeah, no more. And the good thing is I can talk about it now and not have any feelings whatsoever which is great. That's taken me a really long time and I would probably say only in the last year have I been able to talk about him and not have feelings resurface?
Speaker 1:I don't I don't.
Speaker 2:I haven't dated anybody, uh, or one person for a couple of weeks, um, but that's been it, yeah even from the outside perspective.
Speaker 1:Looking in, you know, watching that relationship come to an end and seeing just how you became was, you know, very, very heartbreaking. Well, seeing how depressed you came, became, and even once you had got your life back on track, so to speak, financially yeah well, not just financially but, you know, coming going to therapy with an actual, with a different therapist that maybe wasn't recommended by him, but you know, just that element of, like you said, not being fully over it, even though it it's been, you know, a few years now, and it's only really now that you've, well, the last year, as you said, that you've been able to not get so emotionally invested in getting stuck in that place yeah, yeah, and not giving it any more time.
Speaker 2:I mean, I know we're talking about it here.
Speaker 1:But I think that it deserves to be spoken about, because you did experience financial abuse.
Speaker 2:I did yes.
Speaker 1:I think that it was very calculated because, again, prying on a single mother and giving her everything that she needs to kind of be in survival mode, that she needs to kind of be in survival mode, and then gradually separating you from your work life and being like, hey, you don't need to work anymore, I'm going to provide and support.
Speaker 2:I'm going to buy you all your clothes. I'm going to pay for this. I'm going to pay for that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and yeah, just progressively A false sense of security and progressively take away my own financial independence absolutely. But now.
Speaker 1:But now I'm coming up, boom, boom. I want the world to know okay, we're going to all right, we're going to stop hopefully.
Speaker 2:Uh, I had a friend reach out and say could you please make these an hour long, cause that's how long I want to be on the treadmill for. So shout out to my little girlfriend, gorgeous girl, that she is.
Speaker 1:Sorry, it's not an hour, but it's definitely longer than some of the other episodes that we have done. I love you, steph. Thanks so much, guys. We'll see you on the next episode. Thanks for listening to this episode of Raising Rich. See you on the next episode.
Speaker 2:You, too, thanks for listening to this episode of Raising Rich. If any of today's episode has resonated with you, we'd love for you to share it with another mama. It really helps us to connect with the right women.
Speaker 1:And if you would like to share your story, you can connect with us on Facebook, instagram or TikTok Just search for richrippleeffect.
Speaker 2:Is it time for a wine yet? Oh mum, oh what.