Can financial security come at the cost of personal integrity? Have you ever felt trapped by the generosity of others? We recount the emotional intricacies of receiving unsolicited gifts from someone with a questionable marital status, Mr. B. Reflecting on lavish dinners, extravagant presents, and feelings of gratitude intertwined with obligation, this episode of Raising Rich highlights the internal conflict of being 'bought' and the struggle to reconcile personal values with financial comfort.
Jo's personal story sheds a light on the challenges of accepting generosity while maintaining emotional integrity and the disappointment that comes with realizing the true intentions behind these gestures.
This episode dives deep into the heartache of deception, the complex dynamics of financial control, and the pivotal role of external perspectives in understanding our situation. You'll hear about the balancing act between self-worth and financial allure, and the emotional resilience required to emerge stronger from such experiences.
Follow our mother daughter journey towards financial freedom!
Can financial security come at the cost of personal integrity? Have you ever felt trapped by the generosity of others? We recount the emotional intricacies of receiving unsolicited gifts from someone with a questionable marital status, Mr. B. Reflecting on lavish dinners, extravagant presents, and feelings of gratitude intertwined with obligation, this episode of Raising Rich highlights the internal conflict of being 'bought' and the struggle to reconcile personal values with financial comfort.
Jo's personal story sheds a light on the challenges of accepting generosity while maintaining emotional integrity and the disappointment that comes with realizing the true intentions behind these gestures.
This episode dives deep into the heartache of deception, the complex dynamics of financial control, and the pivotal role of external perspectives in understanding our situation. You'll hear about the balancing act between self-worth and financial allure, and the emotional resilience required to emerge stronger from such experiences.
Follow our mother daughter journey towards financial freedom!
Hey Mamas, welcome to the Raising Rich Podcast with your favourite mother-daughter duo, Jo and Lane. Join us as we take you on the rollercoaster ride that has been my mum's life with money.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'll be opening up about the taboo topic of money from bankruptcy to a six-figure income and all the heartache in between. So if you're a single mama out there trying to figure it all out, then this podcast is from bankruptcy to a six-figure income and all the heartache in between. So if you're a single mama out there trying to figure it all out, then this podcast is for you. Join us for all the ups and all the downs on Raising Rich.
Speaker 1:Episode nine Is that your attempt at singing Attempt? I thought I did a good job.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to the couch, my couch, your couch, episode nine. As you just said, as I just sung, oh sorry, nine, nine, nine.
Speaker 1:Okay, if you tuned into the last episode, you would have heard about mum's cracked sternum, cracked head, cracked knee, broken leg, broken arm, broken elbow and all of the above, fantastic.
Speaker 2:So this episode is all about going from a Honda Jazz that looks like a roller skate to a Mercedes Benz.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, lord, won't you buy me? Is this an episode where we just sing the entire thing?
Speaker 2:no, I'll never forget when gray's anatomy did that whole singing one I've never been into that, yeah no, I just I turned off after that. Sorry, that was not for me. So yeah, this is a Honda Jazz turned into a Mercedes. I have just turned 41.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you're about two years on from the accident at this stage, yes, and dating.
Speaker 2:Mr Young Footballer stood up there, had there had the accident and, yeah, this is like. A couple years later I'm now working in my dream job. So I've finished my uni degree and I've gotten a teaching job at a fantastic school that I'm loving which year level did you start off teaching first grade one?
Speaker 2:oh cute one cutie, patooties loved them. Um taught grade one for a good couple of years actually, before moving out of that year level. I at that time the little one was doing ballroom dancing with me. Because I was still teaching ballroom dancing, I also was still working at the football club but things had sort of settled and I didn't feel so rushed off my feet because I was obviously working in the school during the day, teaching the dancing in the evening. But because Dana was coming with me I didn't feel like I was running around and then you guys would come to the footy club on the Sunday and I actually really enjoyed working there. I made some really good friends. So life kind of sort of was settled.
Speaker 1:I hated you working at the footy club.
Speaker 2:I mean, we already discussed that in a previous episode, but it was awful, awful, awful just to recap, it was because the boys said your mum is hot. Yes, sorry. Anyway, I'm one day at a ballroom dancing competition and I see an Italian very handsome. Well, you would beg to differ, because you always said you didn't think he was that handsome.
Speaker 2:I saw a handsome European bald man and I just thought you know, I've seen this guy at a couple of competitions. I think I need to get to know him. So I got a friend to slip him my number and I kind of went under the guise that I was looking for a dance partner. Really yeah. So he came over and sat behind me and introduced himself and he tapped me on the shoulder and said have a look at this little girl and boy dancing together. They're so adorable. They're so adorable, they're just gorgeous. And I kind of had a little bit of a smile on my face because when my little chicken came over and said, oh mommy, did I dance really well, he was surprised because he was actually talking about my little chicken out on the dance floor, not me.
Speaker 1:I have not a dancing bone in my body. No, that's a lie. I can break it down, but I cannot ballroom dance. No, I can't do any kind of I don't know fancy classical latin bachata, or even like waltz or foxtrot or anything. No, I'm talking about breaking it down like on the dance floor, just like free spirited moves that I can do. Oh okay, yes, ballroom's probably not your forte. No, it's like a six foot giraffe on rollerblades.
Speaker 2:So anyway, yeah, we actually ended up going on a couple of dates, ooh, and I had never met a man who was so incredibly generous with his money because, remember, I dated someone and married someone who was always keeping his money to himself. And, you know, even if we went out for dinner to pubs and things like that, I was still paying for my dinner and the kids dinners. And this was a man who would just, without blinking, made sure that he paid for the dinner and I found him to be quite the gentleman and I thought he was very caring and very considerate. Now I'm going to try and desperately not get into a lot of the relationship side of what happened between us over seven years, because we did stay together for I think seven, maybe nearly eight years, but a lot of the relationship had a significant portion related to money yeah, absolutely it did so we had been on a couple of dates and, as a broke ass single mum, I had put into plan my budgeting.
Speaker 2:That I did, and my budgeting was always that I would calculate my bills for a six week period, but I would pay these bills over five weeks. So I would, for example, if I had a telephone bill, I would work out what it would cost me and then I would just make those little bit extra repayments so that on the sixth week when I got my pays, all of that money could be spent on us. Yeah, you know, we could go out for dinner, I could buy you some new clothes or a new pair of shoes, or I could pay for things like a holiday, for example, and that worked really well for me. I found that I could live on a tight budget because I would look forward to that every six weeks.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know, all that money is mine. I had saved for a cruise. Now I was taking myself and your two siblings. You weren't living with me at the time, but I had saved enough money for us to go on the cruise for Dolly's 10th birthday. We're going to call him Mr B. So I've been dating Mr B for a couple of weeks. It's not long. I just turned 41, a couple of weeks, it's not long. Uh, I just turned 41, as I said, and it was dolly's birthday. We were about to go on a cruise. I had asked mr b if he wouldn't mind just checking in on my house because we were going to be away for 10 days. I gave him the keys. It's a bold move, yeah, oh, actually. No, I probably didn't give him the keys I. I probably left the keys somewhere nearby the equivalent.
Speaker 2:Well, same yeah, I guess you know, perhaps, I guess, just in case something happened. You know you always need to have somebody look after your home when you go away, and so he was going to do that for us. That was no problem. The night before we were going away, my television broke down. It was the only one I had in the house and there was nothing I could do about it. I was going away, but I had mentioned it to him and he didn't say anything about it. Anyway, that night before the cruise I became really really unwellwell now, when I say really unwell.
Speaker 2:I was laying in the bathtub, I physically felt like I couldn't move and, as it turned out, I simply just had a uti okay don't know how or why, but it came on with great fury and I was actually worried that I wouldn't be able to go on the cruise the next day because I was in so much pain. Anyway, I rang my girlfriend who was going on the cruise with me and her two children and she suggested to get to the chemist and get some medication. But I couldn't drive like I was laying in the bath in pain. My son rang Mr B and Mr B said just call an ambulance, I'll pay for it. Just get her in an ambulance and get her to the hospital. And I was saying oh no, I don't, I don't think that's necessary and if I get admitted to hospital they won't let me out, like I won't be allowed to go on this cruise. So I was refusing.
Speaker 2:My son kept ringing Mr B what do we do? What do we do? Because you have to think he's 13 and I'm literally buckled over in pain and Mr B was giving all these solutions Just ring a chemist, get them to taxi the medication, just do whatever you have to do. And I said well, can you please come over and help, because he actually lived probably an hour drive from my place. And he said no, I can't, and I just I found that really strange. We'd been dating a little bit. We seemed really quite comfortable with each other. He was offering all these monetary solutions get an ambulance, get a cab, you know, get the chemist to to send the medication in the cab. I will pay for everything. I'll give you my credit card details over the phone. And my son is saying to him please, please, just come over. We don't know. He's really, really concerned and it was at that moment that I thought there's more to this situation than what's really going on.
Speaker 2:Thankfully, I was able to get some medication and the surprising thing was, could you believe I had said to my son just go and get me some panadol, just panadol, panadol or norepinephrine or something. Took a couple of those and took some buscopan and whatever else I could find. You know, you know how you have like a cabinet full of medication, of just random, out of date stuff you just take, you just take. So took some and you know, within half an hour to an hour my symptoms subsided. So this is great, right, we're all happy again. We're all going on this cruise. I could still, I was still doubled over a little bit, but we were going on a cruise and I rang mr b a couple of times to say thank you for all his help. He wasn't answering a red flag number one number one of 9672 red flags anyway.
Speaker 2:So the next morning we were actually meeting and I was to leave my car at his factory and then he was driving us to the airport, because he didn't live far from the airport. I got in the car and I looked at him and he looked at me and he knew something was up. We were in the airport and as we were leaving I looked at him and I said you're married. And he said, oh, but. And I was like no, no, there's no buts. Oh, no, but we're separating. No, sorry mate, no, you're not. And I just said I'm not having a part of this. See.
Speaker 1:You later Turned around and walked away and I said to my son what an iconic moment, though, to be at the airport and just being like no bye, peace, out and walking onto your plane, not looking back.
Speaker 2:I said to my son is he looking? Is he looking? And he turned around and said, yep, and I thought, no, I'm going to hold my head up high and I'm going to keep walking. Yeah, girl, so did that. Got on the cruise, having a great time on the cruise, and we're out in whoop, whoop in the middle of the ocean and you know you don't get much signal out there.
Speaker 2:I get a message please call me, I'm going to pay for all of the ocean. And you know you don't get much signal out there. I get a message Please call me, I'm going to pay for all of the phone calls I need to talk to you so he finally catches up with me, confesses his love for me and says he's left his wife. He wants to see how it goes with me. My response is don't worry about it. I don't want to be part of this situation and I don't worry about it. I don't want to be part of this situation and I don't want you to leave someone just for me, because I'm not going to guarantee that this is going to work out. And he's like well, you know, we'll catch up when get back. Okay, no worries, so that's fine, we have a great time on the cruise. We get back, get home and guess what's at home?
Speaker 2:brand new tv on the wall a brand spanker and I give him a call. But I also have this feeling of is it entrapment Like I feel like I had to be?
Speaker 1:gracious, yeah, like you're obligated. It's like when a guy buys you a drink at a bar and you have absolutely no interest, but yet you still have to be like, oh, thank you so much. Oh, I'm so flattered.
Speaker 2:Well, they're buying your time, aren't they?
Speaker 1:when they buy you a drink they feel entitled, yeah, that they have bought your time okay.
Speaker 2:Well then can I ask you do you say yes, sometimes, if you're not, you're not warranting anything like if someone wanted to offer you to buy you something, it's on them.
Speaker 1:if they feel a certain type of way that you owe them something Like I don't fucking owe you anything. You chose to buy me that TV. You chose to buy me that drink.
Speaker 2:Well, I guess I'm wanting to say thank you to him, but I'm also feeling obligated that I have to say thank you. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah. I think if somebody offers to buy me a drink and I accept, then that's an exchange yeah, and then you say thank you, but if you are being, if you are being given something that you did not ask for, but you've said yes, here we go.
Speaker 2:We're gonna have this debate aren't we? If you say yes, no, but I'm not saying that I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm saying in the context of a man has just bought me a drink.
Speaker 2:I didn't ask for it. Okay, he's just come up and said he's a drink. It's spiked, but bless his soul.
Speaker 1:Enjoy it, go for it. I'll catch you later.
Speaker 2:More terrifying, yes, anyway. So I've got this fantastic new TV and I do feel obligated to say thank you and call him. And you know we have another couple of dates. This is october. He's telling me he's moved out of the family home, he's living somewhere else, and I accept this. Why wouldn't I? That's what I believe. Coming up to christmas, I'm very excited he's going to join us for Christmas breakfast and I'm looking forward to him meeting. You know, my dad, my stepmom and I get a call from him the night before. He has left Christmas presents in our shed because he unfortunately can't make it on Christmas Day.
Speaker 1:Flag number two out of 9,674.
Speaker 2:can't make it on Christmas day, my Christmas Eve, is shattered and I say to him no, well, you can actually just come and pick up those presents. I'm not going to give them to my children. My children can't be bought. I'm thinking, maybe hang on hang on, let me check out and see what the presents are first, and we'll go from there he says no, he wants to leave them there.
Speaker 2:I'm really disappointed. So I say to him once again I don't think this is going to work for me. I then hastily book a weekend away down at rosebud and I take the two younger ones down there on Christmas day after they've seen their dad, because I've just, I'm devastated. Actually, I'm really quite upset that I don't believe that he has actually left his wife. After coming back from my little mini getaway, he wants to meet up with me because he has a christmas present and I'm thinking, okay, well, I've got a christmas present for him too, because obviously I had purchased him, I purchased one for him. So we meet at a little cafe and he gives me a check for a thousand dollars. So if you can imagine, you know, 10 years ago or so, a check for a thousand dollars to a single mum is like wow, it's like magic. Yeah, I'm excited to receive the present, but I'm also a bit disheartened because I would have liked to have received a gift that he thought about purchasing for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but instead it's just money yeah, I don't think that you are sounding ungrateful. I think that there's a huge difference between a gift that, monetarily, that's going to go such a long way, as a single mum. But you would have appreciated something that was, you know, 50 bucks, had it been well thought of.
Speaker 2:Yes and had yeah. Had he have had thought about or listened to any of our conversations, he could have purchased something that I could have used. I could have liked anything like that that would have been nice so yeah, it was. It was a little disappointing, but at the same time it was like, oh okay, well, I'll just go and buy myself. I can buy myself, wow a lot of gifts. With this, we continue to date. He continued to assure me that he was hang on.
Speaker 1:You're saying that you continue to date, but there's this still, this like back in the mind he's still married, kind of vibe like where are you?
Speaker 2:yeah, he does convince me that he has moved out of the family home. He convinces me that he's a very generous person, and I guess you know what I shouldn't say. He convinces me that he's a very generous person, and I guess you know what.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't say he convinces me. He is a very generous person. You can see it through the actions.
Speaker 2:I don't want to take that away from him. He's a very generous person. He's still looking after his wife and child, still paying for the family home. He has moved out and I accept his word and we continue to date. And it's such a wonderful experience for a single mum because he took me to really gorgeous restaurants. He introduced me to stunning food, beautiful wine, amazing clothing. He really liked to spend money on me, take me shopping and buy me whatever. You know. I could try on a pair of shoes and he would buy me that pair in white, that pair in red, that pair in blue, that pair in black or you know, 10 white pairs of shoes, all sort of different.
Speaker 2:It was always a new outfit for going out to dinner with. I will tell you now that first year I was still in the house that I'd purchased from the money from my dad. Yeah, still in baronia. Yeah, we saw each other very consistently on particular days. So it was, you know, every Wednesday night and every Friday night, and then he would go off to work on the Saturday morning and I would always wake up on a Saturday morning feeling like so he would leave, like 6 am he would leave, and I would consistently feel like I had to break up with him. And I would do this same run every Saturday morning and I'd be rehearsing how to break up with him why did you want to?
Speaker 2:break up with him. I knew there was something wrong. I knew that and and it comes down to people talk about when you're dating a narcissist or a bread crumber they throw little things at you, they love bomb you, but the minute they leave, you know you are not on their mind. Yeah, because I wouldn't hear from him. Yeah, like it was really strange and it was like I I really liked him, I was invested in him, but I felt like there was just something and it was my gut feeling and the worst thing was he only had to come and see me, like on the Wednesday we'd go out to a beautiful restaurant and all of that faded away.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't to do with the restaurant, it was to do with. He. Made me feel secure, yeah, when I was with him. But was I and I question this a lot was I just enjoying this new lifestyle?
Speaker 1:yeah, this new lifestyle that money bought well, that's a thing from my perspective because, as as we've alluded to in this episode, in the previous one, I wasn't living with you at the time. We had had a bit of a falling out and I had gone from seeing you in this one light, as a single mum who is battling depression and drinking quite heavily and really, really struggling, to then obviously spending a bit of time apart and then rekindling our relationship and seeing you again for the first time in this new relationship, and it was like a complete 180, like just a different, not so much that you were a different person, but your lifestyle obviously had completely shifted in those couple of years that we weren't, you know, living together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I was thoroughly enjoying it. He was treating me like a queen. I felt like a queen. Yeah, you know, if you can imagine a struggling, single mum budgeting every week, having to save, and he often said he was so impressed with how well I saved and how well I budgeted. Um, he even gave me a credit card and said you know, when you need petrol, put it on the card. If you want to buy yourself some clothes, put it on the card. So you can imagine I'm. I'm feeling like pretty woman, I'm feeling amazing. But, as I said, every minute when he would leave I would rehearse in my head how to break it off with him. How can I break up with him? And I don't know why that was, but I just had that gut feeling that there was something wrong.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's the reason in itself. Right, Like everyone, goes. I don't know why, I just felt it and that is the reason why.
Speaker 2:Like I just had this instinctual feeling that I should have listened to at the time yeah, and he, he was not boastful in any way, shape or form in terms of his finances, he was quite guarded, but he did live, he. He moved out, obviously, of the family home and he lived in a rental and I visited that property and then he told me that he had another rental. He was just trying to get the girl and the young son to move out of there and this rental had been the family home that he grew up in, so where his parents lived. And as the parents grew older, he kept the house and built them another one and he had rented this house out. What I didn't know until a little bit later he moved this girl out and the child. He actually did a swap and put this girl into the first house that I visited him in. Does that make sense? I understand?
Speaker 2:it so yeah so he was rent. He was living in house a. He was renting house b to the girl and the son. He moves her out.
Speaker 1:Into house A.
Speaker 2:Into house A, which I didn't know about until quite a bit later.
Speaker 2:So he moves into the old family home, house B, and that's where we start to spend a lot more time together. I start staying there on nights on a Thursday night when the two younger ones are at their dad's. So our Wednesday night, our weekly Wednesday night, turns to a Thursday night and I stay at his place and I drive all the way back to the Eastern suburbs to go to work on the Friday, or I might stay there on that one night on the weekend. So things are going okay and he's doing some beautiful things for me financially. He's bought, you know, the television. He's bought me clothing. We go to nice restaurants. We go to Crown a lot. We get the valet parking Stop that he then pays for new tires for my car and my car is being serviced the very this one night, because he always gets up and leaves very early to go to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, remember he would get up at four o'clock in the morning. He'd say he was going to the gym. But after a while we're like man, you're not getting any fitter, you still got your pot belly. What's going on? Um, he would say he was going to the gym every morning and then he was going straight to work. This one morning he went to the gym. He came back home. I thought that was a bit strange, but anyway, he comes in, gives me a kiss, good morning.
Speaker 2:He goes and hops in the shower and normally he takes his phone with him in the shower all the time. This one morning he didn't. So I did what every suspicious woman would do, because remember that gut feeling. So I go through his phone. I go through his phone and there is a message from Steve, but it says dot Steve. So there's a message from Steve but it says dot Steve. So there's a full stop, steve. And I click on Steve and it says I still think about you, you sexy bitch. Now, if you'd seen my face I was looking at my face in a mirrored robe that was like he's he's, he's gay. Is he gay Because he's saying sexy bitch to Steve or what's going on. So then I look at the messages back and forward and Steve says what about your girlfriend? And he says what girlfriend? And Steve says aren't you seeing someone? And he responds no, I'm just always thinking about you. Steve says are we still catching up today?
Speaker 2:So Mr B gets out of the shower and I just I look at him and I say and who is dot steve? And that was the first time. He was probably lost for words, because he is a real smooth talker. He was mr smooth. And he just looks at me and says no one. And I said bullshit, tell me the truth. And he says that steve's name, which is obviously not steve um, let's call her stacy. Well, stacy is the previous tenant who lived in that house with the young boy, yeah. So then I'm like is that your child? He's like no, absolutely no way, stacy. I'm trying, I'm trying not to say her name is the ex-girlfriend and I'm like what, hang on? Okay, what? What aren't you married? Weren't you married before you met me? No, so there we go. He's not only been married, he's got this girl in his rental place that he's had shacked up there.
Speaker 1:But you don't know that she's in the rental.
Speaker 2:No that was the rental that he's living in now. Yeah Right, I didn't know until later that he moved her into the other rental. So then I start to recognize that perhaps mr b is not as open as I thought he was talk about timeline in terms of okay, how long have you guys been in a relationship at this point?
Speaker 2:yeah, so this is april, so I we'd been dating. So I just turned 41 in the august. The cruise was september, end of september, so we'd been dating. So I just turned 41 in the August. The cruise was September, end of September. So we've been dating October, november, december, january, february, march, april.
Speaker 1:Seven-ish months, right, six, seven months. So you've already had like the wife situation. You've already had like the can't come Christmas day situation. Now you've got the girlfriend situation.
Speaker 2:Yes, and he left for work as you do. You don't worry about patching up a relationship gonna be late because I, I'm.
Speaker 2:I'm obviously calling him lots of choice words, choice words. He goes off to work, I get in the shower and the strangest thing is I try to cry and I don't, because I'm just like, well, this happens all the time. Yeah, men have affairs constantly and of course it's going to happen to me. So shut down your feelings. Have no emotion. Emotion, don't worry about it. Go home and say fuck him, that's it, it's over, we're done. Who fucking cares? Yeah, right, so that's my resolve. Fuck you asshole. You don't deserve me. I'm fucking a legend. You know, I'm a legend.
Speaker 1:Fuck you.
Speaker 2:Who cares Off? I go Pack my bag because I this was easter, this was my easter school holidays and I was so excited to be spending four or five days with this guy that I really, really liked so much.
Speaker 2:I pack my bag and I go home see you later. I go home and I sit and I ponder and I'm like, okay, well, that's done. And then I realise, oh shit, my car was being serviced tomorrow. Oh, that's why I was staying at his house. So then I message him and I say is my car still being serviced tomorrow? And he's like, yep, sure. And I said are you going to pay for it? And he said oh, yes, I guess. So I let him. I took the car the next morning and I let him pay for the service of the car Because, in all honesty, I knew that I couldn't afford it at that time. I hadn't in my budget planned for that, but because he had offered to pay, I was like yep, great, let's do it.
Speaker 2:The car was serviced and that evening he took me out for dinner and wanted to chat. He guaranteed me nothing was happening. He was just flirting with this girl. I think at that point in time I'd shut off my emotions. I actually really liked this guy up until then, yeah, and then it was like, all right, well, let's just take it for face value instead of really falling in love with him. How about I just like him? How about I just accept this relationship of a couple of days a week? We do some really nice things together and we see how it goes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a couple of days later he said to me how can I make it up to you? And I said well, there's a dog that I saw in a shop in a shop. Can you buy me the dog? The dog was a thousand dollars and to this day, that's our little, so our. That's one good thing that came out of the relationship, little bit. Um, her name is pip or pippi, but we call her everything probably other than pip as everyone does they do as a single mom.
Speaker 2:In that moment, I chose the lifestyle to be with him over how he was treating me and how he made me feel, yeah, positive or negative do you mean?
Speaker 1:well, you just said over how you feel yeah, because I think your gut instinct is a reflection of what you're feeling. Yeah, and you, I think, I think that there's a bit of confliction going on. Right, because someone can make you feel good but still treat you badly, yes, and someone can, you know, make you feel very loved and give you that lifestyle and those feelings that come with that lifestyle, that you so desperately have craved pretty much your entire life.
Speaker 2:Yes, let's be honest.
Speaker 1:Yes, correct, and still make you feel like a bag of shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah and people can say well then, I got what I deserved because I chose the lifestyle.
Speaker 1:I chose to continue to date him for his money, and that's not a true reflection oh yeah, I completely agree with that statement in just because just because you chose to stay with someone doesn't mean that you also deserved the treatment that you received from it either no, and I guess, like people don't, well, our listeners don't know yet no, and they will the.
Speaker 2:The fact is I found him handsome. I him very smart. He was very knowledgeable at what he did in his job.
Speaker 1:And you said very generous and he was.
Speaker 2:Generous and caring and he appeared to love my children, so there were good things about him. But I did choose to be treated in the manner that I was treated and, yeah, I don't know, I don't think I deserved the heartache that I ended up with, but I do feel that I allowed the control to happen, even though I saw a therapist and she was like baby, you gotta run, get your wool, let's get done, run. And yet he, he found that therapist for me. He rang the therapist and told the therapist what was wrong with me?
Speaker 2:oh gosh, I think that's a story of the control the financial control he had over me. Initially I accepted it, whereas later on he constructed the control. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think there are certain levels of how it starts and it progresses and it turns into something that is completely different to how it started and, yes, there are certain times where you must feel a sense of responsibility for what happened to you.
Speaker 2:There's still a bigger picture at play and there's still a much larger responsibility that doesn't fall on the on the victim and the individual that's kind of on that receiving end well, you look at it this way, a single mom who struggled and within three weeks a man buys her a brand new, you know, 65 inch flat screen tv, has it fully installed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like while you're away yeah, has no problem giving you a thousand dollar check.
Speaker 1:Has no problem paying for your car to be serviced yeah the the basic needs of what you need in order to survive as a parent as well. Like you need your car service so that you can go to that one of four or five jobs that you were doing, and if someone's willing to pay that for you, yeah, it's no wonder you would not turn around be like, uh, actually, no, thank you, yep, yep so that concludes the that episode, but it's really the start of the next seven years of financial control.
Speaker 2:And where I end up, the next episode is the follow-on from the accident. Because we discussed the accident in the previous episode, we are trying to go chronologically and we are, because this does happen whilst you're with mr b.
Speaker 1:Yes, uh, but it's a carry-on essentially from from the accident. Yeah, so crossing over. We'll see you in the next one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so from us and from pip we will see you next time next week. Hear from you, you'll hear from us. Thanks for listening to this episode of raising rich. If any of today's episode has resonated with you, we'd love for you to share it with another mama.
Speaker 1:It really helps us to connect with the right women and if you would like to share your story, you can connect with us on Facebook, Instagram or TikTok Just search for richrippleeffect. Is it time for a wine yet?
Speaker 2:Oh mum, oh what.